Inglourious Basterds (2009)

This is undoubtedly Tarentino's finest since Pulp Fiction, and that was 15 years ago. Took him long enough. I enjoyed Reservoir Dogs too, but Pulp Fiction was far more refined and well-paced.

And I suppose that will be the hot topic for Quentin's newest film. Although the movie was shockingly long (about 2 hours and 45 minutes), it really didn't feel that long. Now, its highly unlikely that the one person who will ever glance at this blog will come to understand my tastes and/or perception of movies, but let me just make this clear: for me to sit in a theatre and not be distracted by the length of a film approaching 3 hours is simply unheard of. At this particular moment, I cannot recall one other instance.

So yes, the humour maintained its freshness throughout, and the buildup to the finale (spectacular btw) was well played. And lemme just say a few words about the finale:

Wow.

I imagine when that scene's concept was being thrown around, Quentin and his chums were laughing their asses off. Simply said, it was a brilliant idea, and taken to its extremities (which Tarentino does oh so well).

So yes, to wrap up this positive review, its nice to see something interesting from Quentin. Most of his other stuff is just 100% pure self-indulgence. Inglourious Basterds brings back the good ol' fashioned entertainment this director is capable of.

Secondhand Lions (2003)

The first review was okay, I've actually yet to finish it. My writing leaves much to be desired, but I suppose that is why I am typing here today.

Today's review is for a pleasant family film I saw some years ago that stood out in my mind for two reasons: 1) Michael Caine is the shit, and 2) Haley Joel Osment is (was) a great child actor.

If you want to know the truth behind why I typed those two thoughts, I will provide an explanation here (disclaimer: one of these truths is more relevant and worthwhile than the other). Michael Caine is cool because he has a british accent, and he never ages. I expect to be 100 years old and Michael Caine will still look 50. As for the second piece of reasoning, Haley approaches his roles (which were consistently that of the misunderstanding naive child) not like a typical child. He played his parts as if he lacked a basic understanding of how one should act around people. Re-watch (or if you are lame, watch for the first time) Artificial Intelligence and The Sixth Sense. He plays the exact same kid.

There are very few child actors I genuinely like(d). Osment was one. For the record, Shia LaBeouf is another.

Anyway, its 11:00pm and I need to complete community service early tomorrow morning. I will finish this review (if you can call it that) with my basic point system:

Substance: 7/10

Style: 6/10

Substance Consistency: 8/10

Stylistic Consistency: 8/10

Overall: 6/10

The First Review: District 9

This is a fairly daunting task. Writing my first review. Here I determine what edge I shall pursue with the blog. Shall I write with welcoming witticisms, or as a brusque bane? Shall I be irksome, or surprisingly charming? I simply don't know. Frankly I'm a fairly average and loquacious writer, often failing to get to the point quickly enough. Ironically, I am doing this as I type.

So here goes.

'District 9' was a very satisfying analysis of humans' intolerance towards anything new. The mockumentary style played a spectacular role in pacing the movie, especially during the exposition. It took me about 5 minutes before I was engrossed within the atmosphere the makers created. The main character, Wikus van der Merwe (yes, I just copied and pasted that),

What especially makes District 9 so appealing is its awareness of what exactly makes good Science-Fiction. Good Science-Fiction always involves an original idea and an intricate alternative universe. This is exceptionally important: Science Fiction does not propound a predictable moral message to its film. It discusses and analyzes a moral dilemma. Whether we are right or wrong, this genre takes a future (sometimes plausible) scenario and explores it to the nth degree. We should not be simply examining an unfortunate man's path to redemption, rather we should be scrutinizing the most terrible aspects of human nature and how those could destroy us in the future.

Substance: 8 -- the first half was fascinating and instantly engrossing.

Style: 9 -- The mockumentary style was wonderful, and the cinematographer(s) are clearly video game fans.

Substance Consistency: 6 -- It would be higher, if not for the second half delving too far into the common man's love for explosions.

Style Consistency: 7 -- why, why, Why! did they drop the mockumentary style for almost the entire last half of the movie?? It was clearly so you wouldn't be pulled out of the action, but it strongly detracted from my lovable curiosity during the film. We've all seen some great action before, but I wanted to hear more from future humans commenting on their chaotic past.

So now to conclude my first post, I shall function within the likes of literally any renowned critic. I shall finish my review with a pointless pun that your average (which is to say, your every) critic squeezes in as his/her own synopsis:

"District 9 makes